When the Divine Speaks in the Middle of a Fight

A channeled message from White Buffalo Woman, the Lakota goddess, who is here to teach us how to move beyond conflict.

You wish for peace, and instead you find yourself in pain. You reach for harmony, and instead your hands meet thorns. You want to love—and be loved—and instead you stand across from someone who feels like your enemy.

And yet I say this to you:

There is no enemy.
There is only the part of yourself that you have not yet learned to meet with gentleness.
And so long as you are at war within, you will always find someone to fight without.

You are not facing only your partner. You are facing your projection.
The face you see is shaped by the beliefs you carry—about love, about safety, about worth.
What hurts you now is not only what they said, but what it awakened inside you that was already aching.

The Real War Is Internal

The words you say in anger are rarely about the moment you are in. They are echoes of unmet needs, unresolved grief, ancestral pain, buried shame. When those parts are not tended, they become weapons. And when two people are both swinging at ghosts, all they do is hurt each other.

This is the pattern. One of you feels unseen. You speak from pain. The other feels accused. They respond with blame or silence. And so the cycle begins: defense, collapse, avoidance, accusation. Round and round.

This pain did not begin with you—but it asks to end with you.

You are not bad. You are hurt.
You are not evil. You are afraid.
You are not broken. You are in a pattern.

And you can choose something else.

The Mirror Speaks Gently

Every experience you have is filtered through the beliefs you carry.
Some are conscious. Many are not.
You do not see the world as it is—you see it as you are.
And so, when you feel hurt, ask:

• What is this showing me about what I still believe?

• What part of me feels unseen—and has perhaps always felt that way?

This is how your soul guides you home—by showing you, through others, what you have not yet healed in yourself.

The End of Cruelty Begins with Choice

Yes, coercion exists. Yes, power dynamics distort freedom. But still: you are the one making the choice.

Your partner may ask something of you. Society may expect something from you. Your past may pressure you. But your response—your yes or no, your silence or speech, your reaction or reflection—is still yours. That is the seat of your power. That is the root of your sovereignty.

Do not pretend you have no choice.
And do not pretend the other is the only one who does.

Stop the Cycle by Refusing to Escalate

When the conversation turns to old grievances, stop.
When you feel the heat rising in your chest, pause.
When your mind starts assembling evidence to prove your pain, breathe.

You are not here to win. You are here to heal.

When pain turns into cruelty, the soul departs.
But when pain is spoken as truth without blame, the message is heard.

How to Speak as the Divine

Speak like this:

• "This hurts, and I wish to understand why."

• "I am scared that I don’t matter to you."

• "I want to work through this so we can heal, regardless of whether neither, one or both of us is right."

Do not say:

• "You always do this."

• "You never care."

• "You’re gaslighting me."

Those are the words of the old world. They are bricks in the wall of separation. Speak instead with the tongue of the sacred—clear, calm, accountable.

Every conflict between two people is a rehearsal for how humanity may one day treat itself.
We can be kind.

Bless the Conflict, Do Not Worship It

Pain is not your god. Your suffering is not your story.
Do not shape your identity around your grievance.
Shape it around your ability to respond with grace even when grace is not given to you.

You do not need to be perfect. But you can learn to be true.

I am White Buffalo Woman. I walk between what has been and what can still be.
I am here to tell you: your pain is real, but so is your power.
Do not let one cancel out the other.

When the Divine speaks in the middle of a fight, she says:

Stop. Breathe. Feel. Choose.

For them.
And for you.

In that moment, something holy returns to the space between you.

Let that be the place you meet.
Let that be the new beginning.
Let that be the prayer.

Remember: every fight is a fork in the road.
You can choose to build a reality where pain is recycled into more pain.
Or you can choose to build one where pain is composted—
transformed into something new.
Something living.
Something beautiful.